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Learning Log 12-30-19

So Daunting!

School is hard. The end. 

But seriously, getting the hang of how THIS school does their courses and how work is to be submitted is breaking my brain. I have these arbitrary rules and limitations in my head that are causing serious interference with my ability to actually do the work. I have been granted an extension but I’m worried that I’m not producing enough of the right kind of work for assessment. I am hoping I’ve not totally mucked up the learning log requirement, too. 

There is one day left after today in 2019. I am trying not to freak out about what my course might be missing but my tutor feedback indicates that I’m on the right track and his suggestions for what to work on are not only legit but also doable. I have to put together my samples for presentation and mount them, photograph them, and upload them to the website and send the links to my tutor. Assignment 3 will be done and once I get my feedback, I can move ahead with Assignment 4. There are only five in the unit and I have until March to wrap it all up. I can do this!! I keep thinking about quitting but that’s not what I actually want to do. I want to complete what I started and I want to do it well. Other people can earn their degrees and  can too. I’m certainly smart enough, I just need to stop being stubborn and I definitely need to stop self sabotaging. 

It’s the damndest thing, looking back on my exercises and re-reading the observations and recalling my insights from each step. I’m definitely learning but man, am I ever hard on myself. I’d love to find a way to silence the voice in my head that’s constantly whispering about my failures because when I look at the actual work, I think I’m doing ok. Not just ok, but I’m learning and expanding. I must persist. I deserve to earn my degree. 

I feel like I need to make a note in here or somewhere that working six days a week, opening a second store, trapping and dealing with the furs we harvest, as well as school is an enormous work load. I’ve got to try and keep all these balls in the air. Juggling with more hands might help? 

In other news, I saw the most amazing textures on the side of my car the other day. Dirt, salt, road grime and the pattern that emerged reminded me of the Atlantic Wolf Fish leather that I use. Who knew that road grime could be beautiful!?

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